| Pal of "Cookie Monkey," according to my son who isn't that good at English yet but who certainly enjoys "Sesame Street" | 143 |
| "And here he is today, the luckiest turkey in America. And for the first time in his life, he's not a ___. Congratulations, Tom." | 143 |
| Rare large white animal killed by hunters in Nova Scotia last fall, which sparked an outrage due to its sacred status to the Mi'kmaq people | 143 |
| Mumps symptoms (and technically, this should be "Great Britain," but how often does one get a chance to put this answer in a puzzle?) | 143 |
| One of the "three little people" whose problems "don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world," in a classic film | 144 |
| "___ know it's more common to clue this as the 5th-century pope, but it seems easier this way; don't you agree, Mr. DiCaprio?" | 144 |
| "Wrong" way to spell a world leader's name in a New York Times crossword, according to a 1999 episode of "The West Wing" | 144 |
| Novel whose four parts are titled "The Plaintiff," "The Defendants," "Brief to Counsel," and "The Trial" | 144 |
| Remembrance word [CONTEST NOTE: My online crossword contest is ONE WEEK AWAY (Sept. 30). First prize, $2,500. For details visit www.alzfdn.org.] | 145 |
| "I unintentionally brought Mom's bag of DVDs instead of mine, so in the back seat we watched about 10 minutes of '___' ..." | 145 |
| "You had best unfuck yourself ___ will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!" (Sergeant Hartman from "Full Metal Jacket") | 146 |
| King, to Juan[LAST WEEK: The hidden name was Claudette Colbert, whose name appears across the grid's center row as CLAW / DEBT / COAL / BEAR.] | 146 |
| Slugger Jim who along with Albert Pujols and Scott Rolen were nicknamed "MV3" during the St. Louis Cardinals's 2004 World Series run | 146 |
| A2: "Say, what's the 'sensitive document' our guy grabbed?" A1: "A ___, of course." A2: "Ah! Figures." | 146 |
| "American Progress, the Triumph of Man's Accomplishments Through Physical and Mental Labor" and "Oriental Phantasie," e.g. | 146 |
| Pop star who said "The cool thing about being famous is traveling.I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff." | 146 |
| give every1 a super quick update on what ur doing at the moment (w/ a lot of abbrs) because u only get 140 characters, and that's really not e | 146 |
| "7. I was so into video games as a kid (I drove at least two ___ into the ground), I was convinced I was going to make them as an adult." | 147 |
| First name of the Cardinal who made a "mad dash" from first to home in the bottom of the eighth inning of Game 7 of the 1946 World Series | 147 |
| Web concerns ... and based on six familiar names hidden in rows 1, 4, 12 and 15 of this puzzle grid, what the black squares in those rows symbolize | 147 |
| Cartoonist who said "I don't read or watch TV to get ideas. My work is basically sitting down at the drawing table and getting silly" | 147 |
| French goose, which you won't find in a vowelless puzzle (I only allowed this entry in the puzzle because Rex Parker used it once - true story) | 147 |
| "___ is completely over" (baffling statement made by Prince on 7/5/10 that also serves as a clue how to find four answers in this puzzle) | 147 |
| Negating conjunction [LAST WEEK: The hidden products were: Levi's, Glade, Total, Aleve, Comet, Crest, Advil, Lysol, Certs, Nestea and Cialis.] | 148 |
| "Nothing more than a luxury bauble that will appeal to a few gadget freaks," according to a January 2007 Bloomberg article by Matthew Lynn | 148 |
| "Weird Al" Yankovic single about a nuclear holocaust during the holidays, which contains the line "...underneath the missile-toe" | 149 |
| "Yes, but we woke him up. Then a pinky ring went missing." "Real jewels?" I asked. "No," she said, "___" ... | 149 |
| "I want you to think of one of your parents ... Concentrate now ... Create an image in your head ... The parent you are thinking of is ___" | 149 |
| Taylor Swift song that contains the line, "Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer" | 150 |
| “You don’t know about me without you have read a book by the name of ‘The Adventures of Tom Sawyer,’ but that ain’t no matter” | 150 |
| Book whose title character "had lived nearly twenty-one years in the world with very little to distress or vex her" at the start of the story | 151 |
| "Something you would cheat on if you knew you wouldn't get caught." "___" (also, the source of this puzzle's theme answers) | 151 |
| Game show on which Oscar gave the clue "Aristophanes" and Felix correctly answered "Ridiculous," on an "Odd Couple" episode | 153 |
| Cancelled 2007 CBS dramedy that "comes close" to being "the worst show in the history of television," according to the New York Times | 153 |
| Host: "Champ, this seemed like a grudge match. Do I detect some ... ___?" Flay: "Well, yeah, he kept calling me 'Flabby Boy'!" | 154 |
| Repeated words in a drill sergeant's marching order, and a hint to how the first and second word, in turn, of each starred answer would be touch-typed | 154 |
| Expand the intrapleural space, automatically allowing entry through the pharynx and beyond, then allow the diaphragm to relax, contract, and expel contents | 155 |
| "Curb Your Enthusiasm" actress Hines when she's on Oriental Avenue, Vermont Avenue, Kentucky Avenue, Indiana Avenue, Short Line, or Park Place? | 157 |
| "I was alone, ___ a ride / I didn't know what I would find there" (opening lines for The Beatles's "Got To Get You Into My Life") | 157 |
| Soccer coach who said "I do swear a lot, but the advantage is that having played abroad, I can choose a different language from the referee's." | 157 |
| He answered "Yes" when Oprah asked him "In all seven of your Tour de France victories, did you ever take banned substances or blood-dope?" | 158 |
| Trains, in a way, and the key to 18 of this puzzle's black squares. (Ones that begin with the keyword are asterisked. The others are for you to discover.) | 158 |
| Size that's usually perfect for printing crosswords, but often not for mine because I tend to write really long clues and you might need more space, for short | 162 |
| TV jargon term for Seinfeld's "The Chinese Restaurant" and others, in which all of the action takes place on a single set with only a few characters | 162 |
| "Ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood" according to a New York Sun editorial of September 21, 1897 | 163 |
| #1 song between Phil Collins's "Groovy Kind of Love" and The Escape Club's "Wild Wild West" (1988 wasn't good for music, apparently) | 164 |
| "All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with ___": Homer Simpson | 165 |
| "It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so ___ advanced": Gettysburg Address | 165 |
| Host: "Welcome to 'Celebrity Food Fight'! Tonight it's reigning champ Bobby Flay vs. Alton Brown. Needless to say, they both have that ___ ..." | 165 |
| Trial for a car [NOTE: My online solve-at-home crossword contest is TODAY AT 3 P.M. ET (Sunday, 9/30/12). First prize is $2,500. For details, visit www.alzfdn.org.] | 165 |
| Actress/singer Helen with the CD "Crossword" (the title track starts "I found my true love today doing the crossword on the back of the 6 train") | 165 |
| Number of times this puzzle's theme word appears diagonally in the grid (to complete the puzzle, shade those words plus the Down answers that begin where they meet) | 168 |
| King Missile novelty hit with the lyrics "I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble / or I can rent it out, when I don't need it" | 168 |
| Name of the first level of Special World in "Super Mario World" for the SNES, right before "Tubular" and "Way Cool" (how '90s is that?) | 169 |
| Casey who said, "I want a goddamn concerted effort to come out of a record that isn't a fucking uptempo record every time I do a goddamn death dedication!" | 169 |
| Gingrich who said "females have biological problems staying in a ditch for thirty days because they get infections and they don't have upper body strength" | 169 |
| 2005 Black Eyed Peas hit that Pitchfork called "so monumentally vacuous, slapped together and tossed-off that it truly tests the definition of 'song.'" | 169 |
| Start of an open letter from the puzzle constructor: "Dear ___, you seem a bit confused about what the V. P. does every day, so here are some helpful hints ..." | 170 |
| Oscar-winning star of "Tropic Blunder: The True Story Behind the Making of the Most Expensive Fake True War Story Ever" in 2008's "Tropic Thunder" | 170 |
| Sci-fi swords (that my older brother actually got to use one time at this place but he had to sign a contract saying he wouldn't tell anyone where they're located) | 171 |
| Nirvana "Sit and drink pennyroyal __" © 2010 Todd Santos Written By: Todd Santos | 172 |
| "Emollit mores nec sinit ___ feros" (motto of the University of South Carolina meaning "Learning humanizes character and does not permit it to be cruel") | 173 |
| He won 26 Oscars, including an Academy Honorary Award (consisting of one full-sized and seven miniature statuettes) for the film depicted in this puzzle's starred answers | 174 |
| "I knew ___ Carroll, was over a barrel/When 'Tarantula' took to the hills." (line from "Science Fiction/Double Feature" in "Rocky Horror") | 176 |
| Rocker Case who tweeted "If a dude called me a 'cougar' I'd be more likely to kill him bare-handed and shit him out in front of his parents than fuck him" | 176 |
| This, for example: "Some traffic jam, huh?" "Yeah." "How long we been here?" "Too long!" " 'Rush hour' ... go figure." | 176 |
| Subject of an annual March 14 celebration and of this puzzle, celebrated in both a literal and a numerical way in the first square of the starred answers, reading left to right | 177 |
| All-in-one breakfast foods popularized by a song from "Adventure Time" (having it instantly get stuck in your head will be your punishment for cheating and Googling it) | 178 |
| "___ Paradise" ("Weird Al" Yankovic song with the lyric "I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat, and my homies agree I really look good in black") | 179 |
| NTSC alternati...oh wait, no one else cares about analog television protocols and their effect on the framerates of classic video games. Let's just go with [Bud] for this clue | 179 |
| Nevada city, the one place "Phil the Weatherman," at the beginning of "Groundhog Day," says he would like to be if he could choose; have you made the arrangments? | 182 |
| "A Prairie Home Companion" director; "it" game; performer Marilyn; PC key; ear part; mama's boy; grown boy; "Notes On 'Camp'" essayist; blue shade | 188 |
| Suggestion uttered by Nate Dogg at the end of Dr. Dre's "The Next Episode" (The views and opinions expressed in this answer are not necessarily shared by The Cross Nerd Inc.) | 188 |
| Award won by lead actors in this puzzle's starred films: the winners' names are hidden "word search"-style in the grid (across, down or diagonally, and forward or backward) | 190 |
| Slang term for the Canadian equivalent of a 750 mL bottle of liquor, based on the number of ounces in it (which makes no sense because we use metric here but I never like to argue with drunks) | 192 |
| Each circled pair is an abbreviation for one; all 13 are arranged in the roughly north-to-south order in which their representatives (except for John Hancock) signed the Declaration of Independence | 197 |
| Nickname of the man (born 2/12/1809) who gave the address at 18A, issued the 28A/45A, was the first elected president of the 60A Party, and whose name can be found in this puzzle's main diagonal | 198 |
| Valley girl's "yeah, right" [IMPORTANT: SEE THE 'NOTE' (above) for key info about this week's puzzle and SEE THE LAST CLUE DOWN for the explanation of last week's puzzle.] | 201 |
| Former UN leader Hammarskjöld [Note: The circled letters comprise a three-word instruction that, when applied to one square in the completed grid, reveals a group who might follow a code of silence] | 201 |
| Superlative qualifier added to a childish argument in hopes of eliminating any potential for a further retort (of course, anyone who's been involved in a childish argument knows that you can just add | 203 |
| First word across in the first-ever crossword (1913) and the first of a dozen appearances of the word in this puzzle's grid, written word search-style (left, right, down, and diagonally) ... Can you f | 204 |
| Asset-freezing org. (CONTEST ALERT! My new all-skill, solve-at-home crossword contest benefiting the Alzheimer's Foundation of America is Sept. 30. First prize, $2,500. For details visit www.alzfdn. | 204 |
| Tiny bit (NOTE: The hidden generals in last week's puzzle were: (North) Grant, Sher-idan, Meade, Cus-ter, Burns-ide, Sherman, and Hook-er; and (South) For-rest, Early, Pic-kett, Stu-art, Longs-treet, | 204 |
| "For his contributions to jazz, ___ should be smeared with bacon grease, placed in a cage with three underfed Kodiak grizzly bears, and whatever happens, happens." ("Genius Guide to Jazz") | 208 |
| Intrepid [Editor's note: This clue appears in heavier type (without the asterisks) in the print version of the puzzle. AcrossLite can't handle that, so just imaging that it's written in darker type.] | 211 |
| What the five actors in this puzzle did in "Catwoman," "Leonard, Part 6," "Christopher Columbus: The Discovery," "Gigli," and "Freddy Got Fingered," respectively | 211 |
| Warning sign at a train station's food court? (NOTE: The original sign, without my additions, actually exists. It's in Grand Central Terminal in NYC, on the lower level — the food court level. The sig | 215 |
| Where GIs fought Charlie[LAST WEEK: "Lady X" was Ingrid Bergman, whose first name is revealed in the circled squares (IN + GRID). Seven of her one-word movie titles can be seen "straddling" black squa | 220 |
| Baffles (ABOUT THIS PUZZLE: If you saw the headline "Fiend Found!" you might instantly notice that, between the two words, only the vowels change — the consonants stay put. Okay, if you were me, you' | 221 |
| "I have this dream where I'm a kid delivering donuts to the Three Stooges. I'm in their office setting up (and listening) and Moe says to Larry, 'Hey, porcupine! Does this new script seem ___?' ..." | 224 |
| "... card, ___ card" (Last week: The two diagonally hidden 18-letter titles were "Up the Down Staircase" and "Upstairs, Downstairs." The latter answer turned downward at the D of "Downstairs.") | 235 |
| Host: "Well, that's because it's an anagram of your name. I guess it gives new meaning to the phrase '___'!" Flay: "Wait ... what?" Host: (Ding!) "And there's the timer! Tune in tomorrow for another t | 245 |