| "Bob ___ Rises From Grave To Free Frat Boys From Bonds Of Oppression": "The Onion" headline | 111 |
| "T-ball is just like baseball, except there's no pitching -- just like the ___" (David Letterman) | 111 |
| When he was a bodyguard, his business card read: "Next to God, there is no greater protector than I." | 111 |
| Triatomic gas in a thinning layer ... and, symbolically, what appears in this puzzle's four longest answers | 111 |
| Thomas who was "a corsetmaker by trade, a journalist by profession and a propagandist by inclination" | 111 |
| Literary captain who says "It's better to sail with a moody good captain than a laughing bad one" | 111 |
| "Abstract ___ product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered" (Al Capp) | 111 |
| Genre that includes the classic albums "Barn Salad Surgery" and "The Dark Side of the Moo"? | 111 |
| Store for athletes seeking protection? (And, onsides, what each of this puzzle's starred entries refers to) | 111 |
| “We’ve just learned that two of the graph’s dimensions have been secured by a squadron of ___!” | 111 |
| Shortish documentary program, such as a "behind-the-scenes" or "making-of" segment on a DVD | 111 |
| Like the answers to the 10 asterisked clues, more often than any other English words, according to a 1999 study | 111 |
| #1 Dolly Parton country hit with the lyric "I'm beggin' of you, please don't take my man" | 111 |
| "Atomic" Gummi snacks whose second word is a portmanteau of their shape and how they "move" | 111 |
| Norbert Pearlroth spent 52 years of 60-hour weeks in the Library's Reading Room collecting material for ___ | 111 |
| Kids' programming series that produced "Conjunction Junction" and "I'm Just a Bill" | 111 |
| Subject of a Manhattan museum near Madison Square Park whose entrance door handles are shaped like the letter X | 111 |
| Like the maximum-height New York City apartment building that's not required to have a fire evacuation plan | 111 |
| "Clinton's a well-known southpaw, so this exposé on his other-handed punches is an eye-opener" | 111 |
| "12. I burst into tears after seeing the second to last episode of the fifth season of '___'" | 111 |
| "Travelin' ___" (Dolly Parton song from "Transamerica" that was nominated for an Oscar) | 111 |
| "'I've been doing exercises to strengthen my core muscles,' Brendan said obliquely," e.g. | 111 |
| The 2005-06 season was the first since 1950-51 in which this type of show wasn't among Nielsen's top 10 | 111 |
| __ Vandelay, recurring fake "Seinfeld" character who turns out to be a real judge in the final episode | 112 |
| American swimmer whose relay team set a world record in the women's 4×100 freestyle at the 1924 Olympics | 112 |
| ''What,'' ''who,'' ''how'' or ''where'' follower | 112 |
| Brian who is a rare example of someone whose prominence in crosswords is commensurate with his actual prominence | 112 |
| "___ in the Wall" (upcoming game show based on the Japanese "Human Tetris" clips on YouTube) | 112 |
| Portrayer of Felix in the movie "The Odd Couple," or Oscar in the TV series "The Odd Couple" | 112 |
| "I don't think there's one word that can describe a man's life" speaker Charles Foster ___ | 112 |
| "The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver" quipper | 112 |
| Oscar who said: "I'm a concert pianist, that's a pretentious way of saying I'm unemployed" | 112 |
| "I go on four legs in the morning, on two legs in the afternoon, and on three legs in the evening ..." | 112 |
| Subject of a Manhattan museum near Madison Square Park whose entrance door handles are shaped like the letter pi | 112 |
| "Matrix" protagonist and hopefully someone else someday, so this can be a less dubious crossword entry | 112 |
| Comic who said "A short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us. We won. Let's eat" | 112 |
| "If Sam Goldwyn can with great conviction / Instruct ___ in diction" ("Anything Goes" lyric) | 112 |
| Video game that comes out today (9/9/09), whose songs/levels are referenced in this puzzle, with "The" | 112 |
| Apt word to substitute for each of four black squares to make sense of the across answers on either side of them | 112 |
| "... and when I hand-deliver a package, the recipients are positively ___ - it's very satisfying!" | 112 |
| Online world where people live and pay taxes in 2010, according to Tom Clancy's "Net Force" series | 112 |
| As a 16-year-old actor, youngest nonroyal with an individual portrait in Britain's National Portrait Gallery | 112 |
| "I wanted a SUBMARINE, but that lab experiment left me with ___! (Now I think like a flightless bird)" | 112 |
| One of only three golfers who briefly kept Tiger Woods out of the World #1 spot between 1/11/1998 and 10/30/2010 | 112 |
| Playoff series finale ... or an apt title for this puzzle considering the number and length of its theme entries | 112 |
| Alistair Horne book subtitled "A Short History" that begins with the division of Gaul into three parts | 112 |
| He played a Nazi in "Marathon Man" and a Nazi hunter in "The Boys From Brazil" [Connecticut] | 112 |
| Insurance plan, before the "Mad Madam" from Disney's "The Sword in the Stone" showed up? | 112 |
| "O.K., he's ordered the pizza - but now his wife is moving around in front of the TV, making ___!" | 112 |
| Gene who would ask "Is this film more interesting than a documentary of the same actors having lunch?" | 112 |
| Band with the albums "Intravenus de Milo," "Shark Sandwich," and "Smell The Glove" | 112 |
| Tone-Loc and Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, e.g. ... or how this puzzle's theme entries might be described? | 112 |
| "A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a ___; what else does a man need to be happy?": Albert Einstein | 112 |
| Who wrote "It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens" | 112 |
| Rare occurrence at the U.S. Open on Father's Day that's a common occurrence at the U.S. Open on Labor Day | 113 |
| "It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe" speaker | 113 |
| "Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in ___." (George Will) | 113 |
| Restrictions, like the ones on PA systems that necessitate the "human microphone" at Occupy Wall Street | 113 |
| Kind of participle found in the sentence "While working on my computer, the dog pestered me for dinner" | 113 |
| Add vertical line 9 (word 2) and vertical line 7 (word 2) and enter the answer to the resulting clue on this line | 113 |
| Former Disney head Michael [This is the 2nd-to-last Ink Well! Continue to solve Ben Tausig puzzles @ avxword.com] | 113 |
| "___ Minnow Pea" (2001 novel featuring the pangram "Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs") | 113 |
| Recurring movie character who "Goes to Jail," "Goes to Camp," and "Saves Christmas" | 113 |
| 1983 song with the lyrics "Rollin' down the Imperial Highway / With a big nasty redhead at my side" | 113 |
| "The Door to ___ Gorée" (second number in "Bring In 'da Noise, Bring In 'da Funk") | 113 |
| Popular version of a design principle acronym spelled out by the starts of this puzzle's four longest answers | 113 |
| Utterly unlistenable 2011 collaboration between Lou Reed and Metallica (I got 90 seconds into it before quitting) | 113 |
| Author who "a lot of us ... pick[ed] up ... when we were 17 or 18 and feeling misunderstood," per Obama | 113 |
| Answer to the riddle "What has rivers without water, forests without trees, and cities without houses?" | 113 |
| Cambridge U.; renter; diamond club; X; six-footer; one who might enter a pool; that lady; loner; snowball gripper | 113 |
| "21. I have a tough time listening to ___ in front of women ('Ready To Die' is too misogynist)" | 113 |
| "How beauteous mankind is! O ___, that has such people in't!": "The Tempest" [1932 novel] | 113 |
| What you might answer when asked "What's a three-letter synonym for 'tin'?" by a gentleman? | 113 |
| "I Feel For You" singer collaborating with "Psycho" garage punks to cover "MMMBop"? | 113 |
| "Dick Doesn't Just Lobby for the Tobacco Companies--He's a Client" (rejected campaign ad, 2004) | 113 |
| Actor who supposedly "destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise" | 113 |
| Duke's Mike Krzyzewski, familiarly—he holds the NCAA Division I men's basketball record for most wins | 113 |
| Sequel that made The Onion A.V. Club's "Worst Movies of 2007" list, with a rare "F" grade | 113 |
| "Speed Dating went really well last night, but I can't make up my mind; the dog catcher was ___..." | 113 |
| Potent alcohol + caffeine choices recently forced by the FDA to change their formula, and this puzzle's theme | 113 |
| Quote from "When Harry Met Sally..." said by an old lady in response to hearing Meg Ryan fake an orgasm | 113 |
| Whom Stephen Colbert said "looks like the kind of bold leader youÂ’d see on a box of Centrum Silver" | 113 |
| What presidential term limits mercifully ensure, and each of this puzzle's theme answers "receives" | 113 |
| Reply to "Lackaday, Lady Macbeth, what shouldst be said to the cursed dog to make it leave the castle?" | 113 |
| "We never stopped talking. Communication may not always lead to understanding, but at least it ___ ..." | 113 |
| French mathematician Henri whose conjecture was one of the great unsolved problems (until it was cracked in 2003) | 113 |
| Keeps going longer than is technically really necessary and then begins to start to become awkward, as a sentence | 113 |
| "And finally, a copy of the crossword documentary 'Wordplay' to keep that special someone ___!" | 113 |
| 1968 hit whose title is repeated three times with "Oh" and then again after "Baby I love you" | 113 |
| Home-field advantage in football ... or what the last square of the answer to this clue represents in this puzzle | 113 |
| Org. for Ann Miller, who said "You try to help them, try to sing and dance ... it's heartbreaking." | 113 |
| Nevertheless, she asked him if he had attended her high school, and after he said yes, she asked "...?" | 113 |
| After following the instructions to make a big one, hint that tells you where to look around to find hidden booty | 113 |
| Words after "here," "there" and "everywhere" in "Old MacDonald Had a Farm" | 114 |
| "I live on ___-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there." (Steven Wright) | 114 |
| A: You have 24 hours to arrange payment. T: (to himself) Looks like we'll be a __ (Paul McCartney & Wings) | 114 |
| "Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to, and the one white people used to go to." | 114 |
| It's classified by the U.S.D.A. as red meat under cooking guidelines and as poultry under inspection standards | 114 |
| Add vertical line 1 (word 1) and vertical line 15 (word 3) and enter the answer to the resulting clue on this line | 114 |
| "___ is sad" (Internet meme which involved photoshopping an actor eating a sandwich into other pictures) | 114 |